In a story straight out of the “So you think this is really news file?” Justin Bieber had been found to be more influential than Barack Hussein Obama, until now. Klout, a controversial Web startup site, claims to measure people’s online influence through it’s own proprietary algorithm of Wikipedia entries and Twitter feeds. As you already know, nothing spells online accuracy of data like Wikipedia and Twitter. What I can’t believe is our young tweens are moving from Justin to Barrack in droves. I know what you are thinking, Mr. Bieber is ready to come out of the closet and these girls, broken hearted at not having the chance to date Justin, are ready to jump on the Obama bandwagon. I reject this premise on three counts.
1. Justin has a cooler haircut than President Obama.
2. These girls really believe they have a shot at Justin, however metrosexual.
3. Klout predicted the Chevy Volt would surpass McDonald’s happy meal as the most popular consumer purchase.
In an effort to appeal to this non-voting segment of the population, the administration has set their top mind to solving this apparent deficit, namely Vice President Joe Biden. In an interview with UXO.NET reporters, Joe Biden stated, “Barack Obama is hugely important,” he said deadpan. “He’s referenced everywhere. We are finally going to get the Justin Bieber vote.” According to an unnamed source within Mr. Obama’s inner circle, “We’re going to beat him, we just found his birth certificate and it shows Justin Bieber is a Canadian.”